Deployment &"What if"

Last summer as we were heading into a 9-month deployment we tried to mentally prepare ourselves.  We were reassured by the fact that Hyrum's job primarily involves office work, and the Army's current mission is more focused on training the ANA than fighting the Taliban.  But it is a war zone, and filling out papers about funeral preferences and creating a will doesn't really allow you to put all doubts out of your mind.

99.9% of the time, I don't worry about Hyrum's safety, because logically I know that it's not productive and odds are in my favor.  Last summer there was an article in the Ensign whose title has stuck in my mind: Faith, not Fear.  It's been a good motto to live by - during the deployment, but in all of life's challenges.  

Even with that mindset, occasionally the "what if..." type of thoughts cross my mind.  Helicopter crashes, IEDs, suicide bombers, etc.

There was an incident at Hyrum's base about a month ago that was a wake-up call.  The soldiers are prepared for those incidents, although I imagine it was startling for them.  And it reminded me that the dangers in Afghanistan are real.  There is an enemy.  With guns and bombs.  And they hate Americans.  With technology that allows us to talk frequently - about 'normal' things - it's easy to forget the circumstances.   

I don't go looking for news about Afghanistan, but the other day I was driving home from the grocery store and heard a news report on the radio:  a NATO member had been killed in southern Afghanistan, nationality not yet confirmed.  

The report sounded very similar to the early reports about the incident at his base a month ago.  

Hyrum's unit is in southern Afghanistan, and I tried not to worry, but at the same time I kept hoping that he'd call soon like normal.  And knowing that Hyrum was probably safe, it still brought a lot of sadness knowing that somebody's family was receiving the heartbreaking news.

Later that night he called; everything was normal.  The incident was not related to his unit. 

For a lot of the last decade, the war in the Middle East has seemed very distant.  Numbers of casualties were numbers.  I knew they were sad, that each number was a person with a family, but I didn't always feel the emotion that goes along with the knowing.        

Even once I'd married Hyrum (he was in the Army National Guard) I still didn't let my mind explore the realities of war and deployment.  We went to a Cleveland Cavaliers basketball game for a Military Appreciation night.  During half time they had the families of several deployed soldiers on the floor to be recognized.  I wonder what that would be like.  That's such a long time to be gone.  Poor families.  Are they constantly hoping and praying their soldier comes home?  

Fast forward a few years, and Hyrum was now on active duty and deploying along with most of the soldiers at our base.  I never would have imagined I'd be in this place.  The war feels much different now that I know the soldiers faces; I know their families.  And my husband is one of them.

It's their job.  They train for this.  They volunteered.  And most of the time, they are okay.  But I don't think I'll ever hear those news reports the same way.

I don't even hear weather reports the same way, because the innocent news of warmer weather means the Taliban will become more active.  More "what if" thoughts and hoping for safety.

Until Hyrum is home and holding Tiago, I don't think that .1% of worry will go away.

And once he's home, we'll be praying for the soldiers who are still there fighting.  That they, too, will return home safe.