New start in Texas

Whenever I am anticipating an upcoming move, I say I'm excited for three months after the move, when the dust has settled.  And we are just about there!  I still have a few tasks to do (like find a dentist, tune the piano, etc) but most of the move-related things are done.

We took advantage of this move to implement a few changes that are noteworthy for our family.  Because when you're changing states, houses, schools, climates-- what are a few more things?

Bottles
We had thankfully already transitioned our kids away from actual bottles, but prior to our move, they were in a terrible habit of wanting warm milk or chocolate milk every morning.  And often at bedtime.  And sometimes during the middle of the day.  Tiago was practically addicted to hot chocolate (our trip to Colombia didn't help that!) and the girls refused to drink cold milk.  They all used sippy cups, but it was obnoxious to continually heat up milk in the microwave.  Obviously, our move and trip made it impossible to have warm milk every morning, so when we got into our new house we decided to hide all the sippy cups and just not warm up any liquid.  (Except for the occasional hot chocolate party.  It's a thing at our house.)

Snacks
When we realized we could stop heating milk daily, we tried to implement better eating habits.  If I think of my life a year ago, it involved a lot of goldfish crumbs all over my house.  For a year or two, I was too exhausted (and my kids were too young) for me to really care about where my kids ate and when they ate.  They were picky eaters, and as long as they ate something and stayed alive, my standards were met.  But at 3 and 4 years old, I knew they could start eating scheduled snacks, and not carrying bowls of food all over the house at all hours of the day.  Now we have one morning snack and one afternoon snack.  It worked great for a while; I've gotten a little lazy, but this is a reminder to keep this going!

Quiet time
During our travels I listened to a podcast about doing quiet time for the child's benefit (deeper creativity, a time to re-charge, etc) so I decided to give it a shot.  (You know, for the kids.  Nothing to do with my OWN need for a quiet hour! haha)  There was a learning curve of about a week, but now it's pure magic.  We put them each in their own room with toys to play with, and make them stay for an hour.  (We worked our way up to that much.)  In the beginning we bribed rewarded them a lot with chocolate chips, but eventually they learned to just stay in their rooms.  Mila liked to listen to audiobooks, and it was interesting to see how unaccustomed the girls were to playing by themselves.  (They had never done it before.)  Tiago started drawing really intricate things, and building legos more.  Unfortunately Tiago's school schedule at the end of August meant he didn't often get quiet time, but we still do it every day with the girls.  I'm so glad I took that leap of faith and see it paying dividends for a year or two.

Movies in the car
In Colorado Springs, my kids begged me to turn on the car's DVD player almost daily.  We drove 15 minutes to and from the gym most days, so I think they just saw that as a great time to catch up on their favorite shows.  And I often didn't want to fight them.  But I hated it.  Precious screen time shouldn't be used up in the car!  During our move, and while looking for a house, they logged a lot of hours watching movies.  But when we got back from Colombia we made sure it was off, and have only turned it on for long stretches.  One thing I did that helped was getting music cd's from the library that the kids were excited about -- Halloween songs, or Disney music.  That entertained them pretty well and they haven't been asking for movies (as much.)


So what does all of this mean for my parenting perspective?  I'm realizing that there are always annoying things our kids do (or maybe better said, annoying things that we, as parents, permit).  But they don't have to go on forever.  When we feel like we have the bandwidth to make a change, we can.  And until then, we can just chill about it and not feel guilty about a life-supply of goldfish under our couch cushions.

Best idea ever - Mom getaway

Last fall, when I was feeling particularly burned out, I read another mom's idea for recharging her batteries.  Four times a year she scheduled a 24 hour get away to do whatever she wanted.  Then on the days that were particularly crazy she had a "light at the end of the tunnel". 

So of course I wanted to adopt the idea because it sounded genius.  And luckily Hyrum was on board.  I don't know how this idea will play out during times he's deployed, but at a minimum I made it happen in January! 

It's a little hard to put into words why moms need to just get away occasionally (although it's a feeling universally understood.)  But "eating without disruptions", "reading a book in silence", and "freedom" all come to mind.

I booked a hotel nearby (luckily with free points!) and set off for 24 hours.  It felt nice to just go wherever I wanted.  So my day went something like this:

-Wander through the thrift store and look at whatever I want
-Stop at Jamba Juice (haven't been there since college)
-Walk through DSW (and buy shoes)
-Eat more lunch at Whole Foods (because I was doing no carbs/sugar in January)
-Stop by the mall to try on jeans
-Get my hair cut for the first time in about a year
-Go to hotel and read a book, watch TV, relax
-Eat at a health-food restaurant (gluten-free pizza) and read a book simultaneously :)
-Wander around a shopping area -- trying on a lot of clothes at Gap and Loft
-Finish my book and get a full night's sleep

The next morning Hyrum picked me up on the way to Denver so we could attend the temple.  It was good for my soul to just do whatever I wanted.  No plans.  No obligations.  No buckling carseats or following a schedule.  There was literally no where for me to be, so I wandered.  Alone.  And because of it I was a lot happier to see my family the next day.

Let's do this again some time.

Parenting lately

Sometimes kids are the worst.  They pee on you even though you've just told them 100 times that they should use the toilet.  They scream and carry-on in the library because you're sitting in the wrong spot. (Had we been 5 seconds slower in leaving we would've been invited to leave.)  They don't eat the food you make them.  Worse, it will probably end up half-chewed on the kitchen table.  And they spill milk between the oven and cabinet so you have to pull the whole oven out to clean it up.  Gross.

Luckily, sometimes they're not the worst.  Tonight my kids pulled out about 50 wipes and started cleaning all the surfaces in sight.  "Does that make you happy, Mom?" 

But so many things have been driving me crazy lately, probably because they're all in the age-range for irrational tantrums.  And the twins are starting to give up naps so they're constantly tired.  And potty-training and defiance and 2-yr molars.  Mixed in with a lot of back pain that makes me impatient and irritable.  And a husband whose job ensures he is never home. 

Halloween wasn't even a week ago and the candy situation already pushed me over the edge.  Yesterday day, I declared it was all disappearing overnight.  And it did.  (It disappeared right into my stash of candy to use for potty-training bribery.)  No more candy wrappers on the ground.  No more tiny hands constantly handing me pieces to be opened.  No more little voices whining, "I need candy!"  Well, they may still whine, but now they have to work for it. 

Oddly, 2 or 3 weeks ago I was thinking about how much I was enjoying this stage of parenting.  I love that we can go and do things without much planning or difficulty.  It wasn't the end of the world if our normal schedule was interrupted.  My kids walk around places with me.  (No stroller!)  They can all finally communicate, even if it's just to say, "I need candy."  They play together. 

But now as I sit here and write this I'm exhausted and want my not-tired, not-hangry, not-teething kids back.  And if the diapers were gone, too, that'd be great.

Toddler Activities

The days are long.  (And so far, the years aren't short.)  Recently I've felt compelled to be more proactive in entertaining my toddlers.  It might have something to do with the fact that my kids subconsciously hum classical songs they've learned from Little Einsteins.  They get their fair share of that entertainment.

So as I've seen ideas for activities pop up, I've made a mental note and tried to implement.  Here's how it's gone.

Washable paints, inspired by a color-mixing episode of Blues Clues:  In short, I spent more time setting up than they did painting.  Our trip to buy the paint led to a lot of whining about not being able to buy all the other crayons/paint/glitter in the craft aisle.  They spent 30 seconds demanding different colors.  When I finished distributing paint, they were mostly done.  Then I cleaned up while they probably went to watch Blues Clues.

Colored vinegar dropped onto baking soda:  This activity was even shorter.  I showed them how to drop the vinegar onto pan of baking soda.  Tiago did it once and the chemical reaction (minor) freaked him out and he left the room.  Siena dumped the whole bowl of vinegar in all at once, and that activity pretty much fizzled.  Then clean up.

Popsicle bath:  I was sure this one was genius, because last time I gave my kids popsicles in the kitchen they made a huge mess.  This afternoon we gave it a try, since we had several hours to fill on a rainy afternoon.  Siena screamed as soon as I put her in the water, so she was removed after 60 loud miserable seconds.  Mila also screamed but I thought I could coax her into staying put with a popsicle.  But no, she wanted out, and she wanted to take the popsicle with her.  (Talk about a mess.)  Tiago ended up in the bath by himself with 2 popsicles, happy as could be, until the water was completely cold.  I was left dealing with two naked screaming toddlers, who never got their popsicles.

Since none of these activities lasted long enough to even take pictures, I forced myself to snap one of Tiago once the girls were dressed and settled downstairs, I'm sure watching TV.

 

Mothering 3 toddlers

I've often thought about the differences in having a full-time career vs being a full-time SAHM.  In my experience, the biggest difference is how I feel stress.  Working full-time, I felt a constant level of stress from 8 am until 5:30 pm.  There were notable good and mad moments mixed in, but the stress level was just a general constant.  As a mom to newborns, I remember thinking the stress went up and down throughout the day.  I had a few hours of a baby sleeping on my chest, feeling totally relaxed, then a rush of stress trying to pump, feed babies, and entertain a toddler all at the same time. Then restful nap time, followed by the stress of trying to get three kids down the stairs, into their car seats, and through the grocery store before needing to be fed again.  Over and over.

I often hear other twin moms (with newborns) ask hopefully, "Does it get easier??"  My conclusion is that it just gets different.  I feel like the ups and downs of motherhood just get more intense and spread out.  I can go 7 or 8 hours sometimes with minimal stress, and then two crazy hours of wanting to lock my kids in a room while I stand outside and scream.

Day-to-day life is easier because it's no longer a feat of endurance to leave the house;  outings actually have become fun (most of the time.)  As Mila and Siena have gotten older I feel more fulfilled with the interactions I have with them--they're more responsive and have the ability to communicate a bit more than crying and smiling.  And at Tiago's age, it's fulfilling to have full conversations and understand better what happens inside a toddler's head.  

But when a toddler has a screaming tantrum for 30 minutes, I have way less patience than when a newborn cries.  They get more frustrated, and I get more frustrated, and it usually spirals downhill until bedtime.  (Thank goodness for bedtime!)  There's also the factor of skipping naps, which adds another level of stress into a day.  

Yesterday was a good example of how parenting has changed.  Most of the day went well: we went to Target in the morning, played at home, went to the gym.  Then the kids lost it on the way home. They all wanted snacks, but not the ones I had.  Siena wanted my medicine and was furious I wouldn't give it to her.  She wanted my water, which was all gone.  She wanted her shoes on, then off, then on, etc.  And after a 15 minute drive home of nothing but wailing, I tried to get food in them as quickly as possible so they could go to bed.  But they didn't want to eat anything, just hot chocolate.  (Not an option.)  Then they wanted to watch TV.  (Also not an option.)  It took 30 minutes to eat a few bites!  I would've thrown in the towel on dinner, but they had already refused most of their lunch.  

Finally, the girls went to bed, and I was lying with Tiago on his bed trying to get him to close his eyes.  Tiago asked if I was laying laying on top of the blankets because my clothes were dirty.  I told him, "Yes, now close your eyes and sleep."  A few seconds later he started putting his favorite blanket over my shoulders until it was spread out across my body.  "There Mom, now you're warm too."  It was so sweet.

The other day Tiago told me he wanted to write my name (I didn't know he could write.)  I told him the letters, and this is what he produced, followed by a jumbled version of "Tiago."  Seeing his progress is heart warming.

So there you have it, the ups and downs of mothering toddlers.  I'm curious as my kids get older if the stress and joy will become even more intense and spaced out.  

Hyrum & the baby

This has been a great week having Hyrum home, and having two parents splitting responsibilities.  For the first seven days after the homecoming, the soldiers had half-days of reintegration, so Hyrum was able to spend a lot of time with us.  I've never had so much free time!

Yesterday they had a lot of trainings focused on couples so soldiers were encouraged to bring their spouses.  The first speaker was talking about managing expectations, and how a lot of wives might be planning on having their husbands come home and fix things and travel all over Europe.  Then she said to the soldiers, "But what do you want to do when you get home?"  In unison, all the soldiers in the room said, "Chill!"  It was funny that they all had the same mind-set.  We've been doing plenty of that.  We sit on the couch and watch Tiago play and repeatedly tell each other how cute our baby is.

A few funny "baby incidents" from Hyrum's first week home:

The first day Hyrum was home, he put Tiago in his crib for a nap.  I usually have to check on Tiago every 5-10 minutes while he cries himself to sleep to make sure he hasn't gotten stranded face-down.  Since Hyrum was home, I had him go check on the baby.  He poked his head in, then came running down the hallway, "He's standing up!  Is that normal??"  I jumped right up (because our crib is on the highest level...) to make sure the baby wasn't going to fall over the edge.  When I went into Tiago's room, he was just laying there on his stomach, like normal.  Hyrum said he thought the baby was standing because he could see his head.  ha!  I think standing solo is still a few months away, but we'll be lowering the crib this week regardless.  

Another night, Hyrum was giving Tiago a bath, and I was enjoying my free time in the family room.  After about 15 minutes I heard Hyrum yelling, "He's peeing!  What do I do??"  I said, "So what?"  What little kid hasn't peed in the tub?  But then when I went in to see what was going on, Hyrum had Tiago in the bedroom on the changing table, naked, and everything was wet.  I'm so glad Hyrum is able to experience all of these things now!  I said, "Clean Tiago, put on a diaper, and wipe off the floor."  Then I went back to my free time.

Here are a few shots of what we've been up to: playing at the park, enjoying the nice weather when we see it, and going on walks.

 
 

Hyrum is usually the one entertaining Tiago, but occasionally, I play with him too.  He hasn't forgotten about me completely.

In Germany, they decorate trees and bushes with Easter eggs.  We've been spotting them all over the place.  They're on bushes, trees, and anything else that will hold them.

I Guess This is Motherhood

You had an okay morning.  You watched me vacuum and mop the floor, and then you started crying so I played with you for a long time.  I helped you stand up and roll over.  You grabbed on to things.  When we played peek-a-boo, you laughed and laughed.  You were pretty cute.

You ate, and then fell asleep for a a nap just in time for me to eat lunch.  I thought that was nice.  But then you woke up an hour later.  And stayed wide. awake. until. bedtime.  You wouldn't sit in the swing or play by yourself without crying.  So I continued to play with you.  More peek-a-boo.  Books. Songs. Anything.

Its okay, I thought. Just a few more hours 'til bedtime, and then I can relax. 

Except bedtime came and went, and you still weren't falling asleep.  In fact, you were screaming - a high, shrill, loud scream.  Our house is too small for me to escape that kind of wailing.

The thought crossed my mind that I could take advantage of a few hours of free childcare on base because Daddy is deployed.  The thought of an occasional break brought me a flash of comfort.  But then I remembered that you stopped taking bottles last week.  

No bottles. No pacifiers.  Now what...

Oh yeah, now more screaming.

I tried to rock you.  Feed you.  Play with you.  But you were still miserable.  So I just put you back in your crib and listened.  Then - 20 minutes later -  there was a calm, relaxing silence.  So quiet it almost made my ears ring.

Interrupted by loooouuud screams.  Silence.  Screaming. Silence.  Screaming.

[Yes, I still hear you.]

 ......

At this point I feel like I should do two things:

1- apologize to my own mother.
2- go pray that this cute, happy boy returns tomorrow.

My Motherly Wisdom - 6 weeks in

Look how he's grown!!!!!

That outfit used to swim on him, and now it's tightness accentuates his growing belly.

I've learned a lot in the last 6 weeks about being a mom.  On the days where he sleeps without crying and happily eats every 3 hours, I think I'm a great mom!  And then, inevitably, I'm humbled the next day  by less-perfect behavior.  But perfect or not (or not!) here is the advice I would give to new moms.

Get to know your baby, and then do what works for you.  

Every baby is different, so there's not one correct solution.  I think I spent too much time at the beginning worrying about fitting into a parenting mold that I'd read about.  For example, I read the Babywise book--and liked most of the ideas--but I was frustrated when I couldn't make those ideas work in real life.  So while feeding Santiago in the middle of the night, I'd be surfing the net on my iPad trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.  

In the end, the most helpful thing has been simple: take the time to get to know Santiago.  When 3 weeks hit, I realized I was enjoying motherhood so much more because I could actually tell why my baby was crying  (at least most of the time) and what his different cries meant.  I could tell when he was hungry, and understood when he was tired.  Without understanding your baby, no parenting technique will do any good.

Before having a baby I read about putting your baby on a sleep cycle of eating, staying awake a set period of time, and then having them sleep until the next feeding.  It sounded great in theory, but wasn't necessarily working out so perfectly in real life.  As I was troubleshooting my problem (thanks Google!) I came across a blogger who explained how to fix that specific problem: forget you ever read that parenting advice; it will never work.

All of a sudden I felt relief.  Just because I liked an idea didn't mean it was necessarily right for my baby. I quit trying to do exactly what I read, and learned to adapt my late-night research to fit my and my baby's needs.  The things I read were helpful for learning underlying ideas, and then I could pick and choose methods and change them as needed.

One example is with sleeping.  I thought for sure I'd be a supporter of crying it out.  [Meaning, put the baby in the crib at nap time, and then let them self-soothe and cry until they fall asleep, resulting in a happy baby that eventually sleeps without argument.] But honestly, Santiago never had a problem sleeping at night.  And letting him cry it out at nap time wasn't getting us anywhere. His hysterical crying never got him any closer to sleep.  And I just got frustrated.  Until I decided to just do what worked for us.  I put him down when he's tired.  I listen to the type of crying he's doing, and either let him cry himself to sleep or go pick him up/burp him/rock him/put him in the swing.

Another example is the pacifier.  There are a lot of strong opinions out there about what to use and when to use it.  For Santiago, sucking on a pacifier helps him relax his body and work out whatever's in his system.  Even though to some it probably looks like I'm shoving it in his mouth when he doesn't want it, he eventually will take it, and it solves his problem!  I'm sure every baby is different, but for us, it works.

Other things that have worked well for me:

• Gas drops!  The most common reason that Santiago cries is because he has gas in his stomach.  (Which is why some crying never led to sleep...)  Gas drops have been great!!!  Can't imagine what the last 4 weeks would have been like without them

• Use the crib!  For his first 3 weeks, the only place Santiago slept was in his crib (or car seat).  So there was never any adjustment necessary.  I figured that as a baby, he wasn't aware of how big the crib was in comparison to his little body.  Since then, I've loosened up a bit for two reasons.  First, I don't want to miss out on the opportunities to cuddle him in my arms occasionally while he sleeps, especially because he's getting big so fast.  Second, when the nap in the crib isn't working, I'd rather have him fall asleep in the swing and not get overtired from staying awake.  (And let's just say, the boy barely knows what my bedroom looks like...  we don't go there.)  Another benefit to having sleep in his own room is that I only wake up when he's legitimately crying.  I tune out the little noises he makes throughout the night.  So if he is waking up frequently, he's going back to sleep.  (I wouldn't know, because I'm fast asleep in my bed!)

• Full feedings!  Although I haven't followed Babywise completely, several of the key points have been helpful.  I see a lot of babies that 'snack' all the time.  They eat for five minutes, then twenty minutes later eat again, then an hour later they eat again.  By making sure the baby eats until he's completely full at every feeding you can avoid irregular patterns.  For the most part, Santiago eats every 3 hours.  If he cries in between those regular feedings, I don't automatically feed him because most of the time he's not crying out of hunger. 

• Cold bottles!  When I started to give him the occasional bottle, I only offered it to him at room temperature. Again, I figure if he doesn't know any better he won't complain.  (I'm sure he'd prefer a warm bottle if it was offered to him, but down the road I don't want to deal with heating bottles wherever I go.  So far he hasn't complained.  ha)

One note about breastfeeding.  In the hospital, they gave me a silicone shield to use to help Santiago latch.  I thought, "Great! He's eating.  That was easy."  Then I started reading online about how bad those things are and how they should never be used.  (You guessed it... La Leche League!)  I even had another mom tell me I was going to have problems because of it.  Naturally, I was then embarrassed to let people know about it.  But after my realization that I was the mom and could do whatever I wanted with my baby, I don't really care anymore. I think it's a great invention!  It made breastfeeding so much easier for me!  And my baby is growing just fine [look at that belly in the picture above!], so it's worked for us.  I'm curious to talk to the doctor about it at Santiago's next appointment.  I still use it at some feedings, because like I said, it works great aside from the slight inconvenience.  

With all this parental freedom of choice comes accountability.  I support parents making their own educated choices for the baby without peer pressure from the internet, books, or other moms, but I do think parents need to be responsible for the habits they help their babies form.  If you want to do attachment parenting, great, but you can't complain about how often your baby eats, or how they are making your bed crowded.  Or if you only let your baby fall asleep by themselves in the crib, you can't complain about missing out on a newborn falling asleep in your arms.  There are always trade-offs.  

I love letting other people hold my baby.  It makes them happy, but it also helps me realize that all their parenting experience combined doesn't trump the experience I gain with my baby by spending every day (all day) with him.  When he starts fussing in their arms and they say, "Oh, he must be tired," I can think to myself, "Nope, he just needs to be burped." It's not an issue of pride... I don't tell people they're wrong.  I just smile because I'm grateful that I'm learning how to be a good mother to my baby.  

And my other piece of advice to new moms is this: 

It gets better every day.