The big 2-8

28 feels just like 27 did... so not big news there.

To celebrate my birthday, Hyrum and I went out to eat.  A friend offered to watch Tiago, and recommended their favorite restaurant, which is just around the corner.  The food was great, and afterwards we walked around the small town.  There's a road/path that goes right through the middle of a rock, with houses built right into it.

Hyrum took out the camera to take a picture after they brought out our food.  He was trying to be subtle so everyone wouldn't turn around, and then he took off the lens cap and dropped it.  It rolled across the whole restaurant and he went chasing after it.  Yes, we caused a scene.  And then everyone in the room watched us take these pictures.  Kind of embarrassing.  But good food nonetheless.

Hyrum bought me a birthday cake.  Cake and ice-cream is always good.  And always better than german desserts.  Tiago has decided he likes chocolate, thanks to his generous dad.

Happy Birthday to me!

Miscellaneous April

In no particular order:

Santiago usually wakes up in the corner of his crib all balled up.  

A nice friend gave us a basket of goodies to congratulate us on surviving the deployment.  And other nice things.  I might have overdosed on sugar.  It was awesome.  There was also popcorn in the basket, which reminds me... since Hyrum has been home we've been able to watch movies together once Tiago goes to bed.  We make popcorn, pour a cup of Canada Dry and sit back on our comfy bed watching the laptop.  It's better than being in a movie theater!

We've seen some beautiful sunsets lately.

Tiago still prefers unconventional toys, like measuring spoons.  

Whenever I call Matt, we always end up talking on the phone for at least an hour... and a good portion of that time is spent talking about food.  And most of the time we're talking about food, we're talking about cheese.  So when I found this recipe calling for a big wheel of Brie cheese, I thought of him.  I decided to make it the other day, and it was delicious!  (It has sundried tomatoes, artichoke, and pesto). The only hiccup was that the recipe says to put the whole cheese wheel in, including the rind.  I didn't realized there was white plastic around the white rind, so the plastic got cooked!  (whoops)  Good thing it was easily removable.  [Recipe here.]  

Happy baby and happy daddy!

 When we go for walks, I can make Hyrum push the stroller up the big hill.  And when we go running (I mean, the one time we went running) together, Hyrum can push the stroller!!

Also, Tiago still hangs one arm (usually his left) off to the side.  It might be for life.

My mom sent these rice wafers.  He hates normal baby food, but likes to have something in his hand he can put in his mouth.  He'll eat several of these at a time if we let him.

The Easter bunny kind of came.

There are rapeseed fields popping up all over.  It is so pretty!  It's electric yellow/green.  So we stopped this afternoon to take some pictures; I love the colors.  I could take pictures of it all day.  [And for the record, Tiago still doesn't like the camera.  When we pull it out, he looks the other way, or gets very serious.]

While we were in the car it started hailing, but luckily it stopped during the drive.  We hopped out to take some pictures, and although it was raining on us, you can't tell.  Poor Tiago had a soaked head by the time we put him back in his car seat.  It's funny weather we're having in Germany the last few weeks.  Spring comes and goes several times a day.

Hyrum & the baby

This has been a great week having Hyrum home, and having two parents splitting responsibilities.  For the first seven days after the homecoming, the soldiers had half-days of reintegration, so Hyrum was able to spend a lot of time with us.  I've never had so much free time!

Yesterday they had a lot of trainings focused on couples so soldiers were encouraged to bring their spouses.  The first speaker was talking about managing expectations, and how a lot of wives might be planning on having their husbands come home and fix things and travel all over Europe.  Then she said to the soldiers, "But what do you want to do when you get home?"  In unison, all the soldiers in the room said, "Chill!"  It was funny that they all had the same mind-set.  We've been doing plenty of that.  We sit on the couch and watch Tiago play and repeatedly tell each other how cute our baby is.

A few funny "baby incidents" from Hyrum's first week home:

The first day Hyrum was home, he put Tiago in his crib for a nap.  I usually have to check on Tiago every 5-10 minutes while he cries himself to sleep to make sure he hasn't gotten stranded face-down.  Since Hyrum was home, I had him go check on the baby.  He poked his head in, then came running down the hallway, "He's standing up!  Is that normal??"  I jumped right up (because our crib is on the highest level...) to make sure the baby wasn't going to fall over the edge.  When I went into Tiago's room, he was just laying there on his stomach, like normal.  Hyrum said he thought the baby was standing because he could see his head.  ha!  I think standing solo is still a few months away, but we'll be lowering the crib this week regardless.  

Another night, Hyrum was giving Tiago a bath, and I was enjoying my free time in the family room.  After about 15 minutes I heard Hyrum yelling, "He's peeing!  What do I do??"  I said, "So what?"  What little kid hasn't peed in the tub?  But then when I went in to see what was going on, Hyrum had Tiago in the bedroom on the changing table, naked, and everything was wet.  I'm so glad Hyrum is able to experience all of these things now!  I said, "Clean Tiago, put on a diaper, and wipe off the floor."  Then I went back to my free time.

Here are a few shots of what we've been up to: playing at the park, enjoying the nice weather when we see it, and going on walks.

 
 

Hyrum is usually the one entertaining Tiago, but occasionally, I play with him too.  He hasn't forgotten about me completely.

In Germany, they decorate trees and bushes with Easter eggs.  We've been spotting them all over the place.  They're on bushes, trees, and anything else that will hold them.

Hyrum is home from Afghanistan!

Hyrum is home!  We are so excited to have him back.

The welcome home ceremony was on Friday, April 11th.  We showed up to the gym 30 minutes early (because it's better to be early than to risking being late), and we waited... and waited... and waited.  Tiago did pretty well... and was oblivious to how much his life was about to change.  He was very entertained by his dog-tags and miniature flag.

About 30 minutes after the scheduled arrival, they made an announcement to clear the floor.  All the extra waiting made me more anxious than I think I normally would have been.  [Although I think the soldiers were more anxious than their families.  Hyrum said it was a long miserable flight back that dragged on, plus the bus ride from the airport.]

We all stood up on the bleachers. 

They started playing music.  

The doors opened.  

Smoke blew across the floor.

And the squadron commander led the troops in with a background of cheers and applause.

[That's Hyrum right in the front middle, looking at us].

They stood in formation while they played the National Anthem, said a prayer, heard a few words from the Regimental Commander...then they were released to their families!

Ruuuuuuuun to your soldier!!  Hyrum was only about 15 feet away, so we actually didn't have far to go.  

Tiago has no problem with strangers (as long as they give him attention) so he was happy to be held by Hyrum.  He was mostly just checking Hyrum out, and would occasionally turn around to make sure I was still there.  No smiling, though.  All business.

It was about 45 minutes past Tiago's nap time, and I think he was getting hungry, so it didn't take long before he was fussy.  He would smile as long as he was being entertained, but then got very serious and cried.

 These next two pictures (mostly the first) are probably my favorite shots of the whole day.  Neither Hyrum nor I are good at hiding our emotions, and I guess Santiago is following suit.  His face says it all... and more!!  Nothing says Welcome Home! like a big scowl.  And for the record, he's not wearing shorts, his pants were just riding up.

First family photo!!

Another look at that face!  

[Hyrum said that Tiago was just so happy that he couldn't contain his emotions.]

It was fun to watch Hyrum for the first few hours figure out how to interact with a baby.  He was awkwardly carrying the baby around, trying to look like the baby wasn't slipping out of his arms.  I said, "Just rest him on your hip" and he said, "I don't have any hips!"  Tiago's wiggling, and swinging fists, didn't make it easy on him, but he figured it out pretty quick and after a few days was a pro.

After a little family bonding, we went over to the parking lot to collect Hyrum's bags, then headed home.  Hyrum has learned many new things, like how to use a car seat and stroller, how to change a diaper, and what a nap schedule is.  For him, that day was like the day Santiago was born--everything was new, and it was his first time to hold his son.  He loved it.

When we eventually made it home, Tiago quickly fell asleep, we ate delicious food, and Hyrum got to be the one to go get a very happy baby after his nap, then feed him.  He was content to sit and enjoy his Papá... and they've been playing ever since.

Santiago: 7 Months!

At 7 months, Santiago finally met his daddy (or, Papá!).  Sometimes he freaks out crying (who is this guy?!) but he's usually thrilled because Hyrum is WAY more energetic and entertaining than I am.  (At least so far, we're only on day 2).  When Hyrum plays with the soccer ball Tiago laughs and laughs.  

It's been a good month for Tiago... much better than last month.  He's eating and sleeping more regularly, although there's room for improvement.  He doesn't like baby food very much, but will eat a few yogurt drops or rice wafers.  He likes people watching and being outside where there is stuff going on.  (In church, he's usually happy just sitting and watching his surroundings.)

Favorite toys include pens, paper, giant paper clips, a wooden Christmas ornament, cardboard boxes, hangers, and metal measuring spoons.  Anything he can wrap his little fingers around.  

I think his only new trick this month is that he can kind of scoot backwards.  Oh, and he shakes his head back and forth like he's dancing.

Thing he still doesn't do: roll consciously from front to back (why?!), sit up, crawl, talk.  

He is getting a bath more regularly, like I mentioned last week.  And is adored by everyone!  (Especially his grandparents.) When we were waiting for Hyrum's homecoming ceremony to begin, a guy walking by asked if he could take a picture of Tiago.  Such a popular kid!

I'm hoping that by 8 months he's sleeping through the night without waking up.  He's getting close.  I've already cut out the middle-of-the-night feeding, but he usually still wakes up and cries for a while.   Baby steps.  

A few thoughts on sleep training

Yes. Yes. And yes!


When Tiago was really little [and I spent hours awake in the middle of the night feeding him and scouring the internet for information] I read the millions of opinions available about how to get your baby to sleep: cry-it-out right out of the gate, wait until they're at least 6 months, do whatever the baby wants because you can't spoil a baby, etc.  I was open to any of it, but there's no parenting manual telling you step by step what the right choices are, so I sifted through the information the best I could and tried to make good choices.

From the start, Santiago slept okay.  He was okay (not great) with naps, and once he was asleep at night he only woke up to eat.  Because we (err, I... it was just me) wasn't having any major problems with the current situation,  I never felt the need to try anything drastic.  Here are the phases Santiago and I went through, which finally brought me to try some sleep training.


Newborn eat/sleep/cry-  I just remember a lot of crying, and a lot of eating [read: feeding].  But that's what newborns do, so I didn't get too concerned about it.  There was never a 'schedule' but enough of everything.  And, I don't remember anything else, because that's just how motherhood is.

Almost there-  When Tiago was two months old, he slept through the night once!  I felt like we were getting so close to a good night's sleep.  Normally he only woke up once to eat, then went right back to sleep.  Because he slept so well at night, I forgave the fact that he'd sometimes cry for 40 minutes before falling asleep at night, and it always fell right when Hyrum was trying to call on Skype.  (Bad timing.)  Any time I attempted to let him cry-it-out to fall asleep for a nap, he just cried and cried--sometimes up to an hour.  I gave that up pretty quick because it didn't get us anywhere.

Time Change-  At 3 months we went to Utah for an extended vacation (2 months!).  The time zone change and a completely new environment definitely affected his sleeping.  He routinely woke up at least twice to eat, but was good at falling asleep at bedtime.  And we were out having fun so much there was no semblance of a nap schedule.

Back to Germany- I was tired of listening to crying, so when Tiago began falling asleep after/while eating, I was okay with it.  It was easy.  And easy was good.  It meant more sleeping, but left me holding a sleeping baby, and getting less done.  It was unpredictable when he would fall asleep, and at night he was still waking up twice to eat, sometimes 3 times.  

So... by 6 months I was ready to do something about it.  After one particularly looong night (when he was sick) I requested the book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems from the library.  When it came last week I flipped through it and decided to give it a try.

What's the deal?  Ferber basically says to put the baby in the crib awake and let them learn how to fall asleep on their own.  Let them cry, checking on them in set intervals, until they fall asleep.  For naps, the same is true except if they don't fall asleep within 30 minutes, get them up.  The biggest issue for Tiago was getting rid of the sleep association of eating to sleep.  Plus, I wanted to cut out his middle-of-the-night eating.

Night 1- He woke up and cried for an hour before falling asleep.
Night 2- He woke up and cried for a little over an hour before falling asleep.
Night 3- He woke up (twice) and cried for 40 minutes (total).
Night 4- I was woken up for the first time by the sun coming in my window at 7:30am!  AWESOME.

Almost as great as sleeping for a solid 8 hours is my productivity during the day when Tiago naps.  When Tiago was a baby, I would just put him in his crib to take a nap and let him cry until he slept, but it only worked about 50% of the time.  I am shocked at how much better it is working now that he's older!    In the last 4 days,  9 out of 10 naps have been a success.  He sleeps more than 2 hours a day.  Sometimes it takes a full 30 minutes of crying, but if its followed by over an hour of good sleep.  And a happy baby when he wakes up.

A few notes on this sleeping business:

• I don't think I'd do the "check on the baby until he falls asleep" business if I had a video baby monitor.  However, Tiago still rolls on to his stomach and freaks out until I come flip him back over.  So periodically while he's crying I check that he's on his back or else he will never fall asleep.    
• I've read a few blogs online where people say they [the parent] cried the whole time they were doing sleep training because it was so hard to leave their babies alone to cry themselves to sleep.  Seriously?  I might be an insensitive mother, but I would much rather listen to a baby cry themselves to sleep for 30 minutes than have to entertain an overly-tired baby.  While he's in his crib crying, I'm running around the apartment trying to see how much I can get done before he falls asleep.  If he never actually falls asleep, I just had 30 minutes of free time to clean the house and do dishes.  And if he does fall asleep, I can settle into something for an uninterrupted hour.  
• I don't regret not starting sooner for a few reasons.  At least with Tiago, I don't think it would have worked as well before 5 or 6 months.  I enjoyed having flexibility to leave the house without interrupting a solid sleeping schedule; with Hyrum being gone that adult interaction kept me sane. And last, cuddling with a sleeping newborn is one of the payoffs of parenthood; I decided after a few weeks that having Santiago sleep all the time in his crib wasn't worth it to me.  
• At the recommendation of the book (and pretty much everyone smart) I started to do a bedtime routine with Santiago.... which means he now gets a bath every night instead of once a week (or whenever I was bored and felt like it.)  I can see that being more important as he gets older.

I have my fingers crossed that I get another full night of sleep tonight, and that last night wasn't a fluke.  Sleep training doesn't work miracles, but it has certainly made things easier.


[Update: Night 5- woke up for 15 minutes.   Not bad.]

Deployment: That's a wrap!

I just got the phone call letting me know what time tomorrow Hyrum is coming home!

I had a rough idea, but now it feels so much more official.  Months ago they told us what the process would be like: up to a week before he'd be able to let me know his return date, and the day before arrival I'd get a phone call from a soldier here confirming the homecoming time/place.  [They take a bus from the airport and then do the reunions on-post.]  Until the call, things are still up in the air.  [A few weeks ago, several of the flights were pushed back within 24 hours of their scheduled homecoming.  What a disappointment!]

Yesterday I finished making Tiago's 'welcome home' outfit, so I put it on him to make sure it fit.  Who wouldn't want to meet their son with him looking this cute????  As hard as I might try to look cute, I'm planning on taking a back seat in tomorrow's reunion... or in their case, first-time meeting!  What an exciting moment!  I know Hyrum has been looking forward to it for Tiago's whole life.

I've been trying to stay busy the last few days, which hasn't been hard with all the cleaning around here...  I made cupcakes and several meals, washed the sheets and towels, dusted all surfaces, and even purged a good chunk of my wardrobe so the house would feel a little less packed.  And now everything is ready.  But really, Hyrum said the only thing he cares about is that Tiago and I are there to meet him when he gets here.  Anything else will just be a bonus.  

Speaking of getting things ready, I was looking over my "deployment goals" list, and it's now as complete as it will be.  Along the way, I abandoned some goals, but here's how I stand:

-finish Hyrums "life" scrapbook - DONE
-create an album of our wedding pictures - DONE
-get back to pre-baby weight - DONE - happened yesterday!
-Read Book of Mormon- DONE
-Read Doctrine & Covenants - DONE (happened yesterday, too!)
-Write weekly letters- didn't happen.  But I did send packages at least once a month...
-Study the Old Testament- didn't happen.  I stopped somewhere in the middle of Exodus.

5/7 isn't bad.  It was helpful to have things to work on to keep me distracted, and focus on all of the good things around me instead of on my husband being gone.

I've been thinking about the different stages that I've gone through during his 8-month deployment.

• First, it was pretty emotional and always-present.  Not emotional like I cried all the time--in fact, I think I only cried two or three times total, and one of those times was after dropping him off.  [And another time was probably when I was frustrated with a bad Skype connection!]  But emotional like I felt his absence.  The first time I did laundry I thought, "Wow, I'm only doing laundry for 1 now."  Same for grocery shopping, or cleaning up just my clothes on the floor.  There was no one to talk to at the end of the day.  No differentiation between a work day and the weekend.  It all felt different.  Plus, there were several other wives in my ward going through the same thing, so we could get together and talk about it.  

• [I had a baby.  That involves too much to even go into further detail.]

• Then I got into a groove and felt like I had good momentum.  I was staying busy.  I went to Utah for a few months and time flew by.  Surely once I reached the half-way mark everything would be down hill. 

• But... around the halfway mark it seems like everyone else's husbands came home.  [Really, it wasn't all of them, but a lot of them did come home early.]  Deployment was old news.  And I was just ready for it to be done.  It was close to being over, in the sense that a few months aren't all that long.  Except they are.  With so many soldiers coming home early, that was my most-asked question.  When does your husband come home?   

• At that point I think I took a lot of the emotion out of it.  Possibility of coming home early?  Fine.  No internet connection?  Fine.  Deployment dragging on even longer?  Fine.  Anything would have been fine.  Unfortunately, I think I do emotion-less really well.  And I was hoping that some semblance of excitement would return when the end really was in sight.    

•  Luckily, it did.  About a week ago.  Once it was real enough that I could pick out clothes, clean my house, grocery shop for two and load minutes onto Hyrum's prepaid cell phone, I let myself get excited.  

And he comes home tomorrow!

I'm glad this experience is behind me.  I'm not naive enough to think it will be the last deployment we go through, but hopefully it will be the last for a long time.  As I suspected beforehand, it was okay.  I do okay by  myself, so that was never a huge challenge.  There were, however, a few difficult things.

First, Santiago was born while Hyrum was gone.  I wouldn't say it was that hard for me (my mom came for a month!) but it was hard for Hyrum to not have that experience with his first child.  He's a father, and he's never held his son!  He never got to see the cute newborn clothes that actually fit such a tiny baby.

Second, it's inevitable that when you don't share very many aspects of your lives, your relationship is affected.  This this article that I read last month really explains the problem perfectly.  A quick phone call (with a bad internet connection) makes it difficult to get past the day-to-day stuff, and talk about more meaningful things like "dreams, passions, beliefs and goals".  Hyrum and I set certain goals (individually and together) at the start of the deployment that have helped to maintain a strong marriage and stay on the same page, but it's just not the same as living life side by side for those 8 months.

And third, there's always that "what if" question in the back of your mind, no matter how much positive thinking you employ.  It's almost guaranteed that not all soldiers will be coming home, and that's a scary thing to face.  For future deployments, I know that I can handle things on the home front, but I have no assurance of what awaits my husband while at war.  So I'm glad it's over for now, and I can worry a little less.

It will be interesting to see the re-integration process, as Hyrum gets acquainted with changing diapers and the sleep patterns of a baby.  He has made so many funny comments over the last few months that made me think, Oh, just wait... you'll understand once you're home.  (Like, "If babies are tired, don't they just fall asleep?"  Or when the baby was crying in his crib, "Go take a minute to put him to sleep and then come back.")  I will no longer be the one calling all the shots, which is hard for me!  Hopefully I can loosen up, quickly.  I will no longer go for days at a time only having one-sided conversations with a baby.  I won't be sitting around at night writing blog posts, because I'll actually have a husband to talk to.  I will no longer have to use Skype every day with a bad internet connection.  I will have to start putting more effort into my dress and appearance, but that's a small sacrifice to have to make.

I can't wait to see it all unfold-- to watch Hyrum meet his baby and have our family complete.

Hooah!