Sunday Ramblings (turned weight confessions)

(Source)

At night when I lay in bed my mind feels like a marble in a pinball machine.  Within  seconds I can be thinking about what to wear tomorrow, how many days left of deployment, my childhood allowance, the cookies in my kitchen, etc.  And somehow, in my mind, there is a logical thought process through it all.  

So this post might be a bit scattered, like my brain. 

The good news is if I manage to stay awake thinking about random things it means I'm not sleep deprived, right??  In all honesty, most of the time I don't feel sleep deprived.  Santiago wakes up throughout the night to eat, but then he goes right back to sleep.  And so do I.  (Minus a few minutes of random thoughts.)  His days are another story.  Some days are good.  Other days are less-good.  But nothing to complain about. 

I came across this picture on Facebook yesterday.   Have truer words ever been spoken??

It perfectly sums up how I feel at the moment.  Because none of my jeans fit.  Not even my 'fat jeans'!  Last night one of the many things that crossed my mind while I was trying to fall asleep was that I won't post pictures of me at my current weight until I've lost a few pounds.  Then I can post a "before" and "after" and people will think how much skinnier I look.  (Instead of looking at me currently and just thinking I look fat.)  

When I was pregnant I spent Saturday night trying on clothes to find something cute that I would fit in for church.  It was kind of fun. 

Now, I spent Saturday night trying on clothes to find something cute that I would fit in for church.  But since I'm not pregnant, it's less fun!  I tried on a collared shirt, and I think there was a 4" gap in some places between the buttons and the button holes.  

I'm glad I can laugh at the situation.  It hasn't reached the point of being depressing.  [give it a few more weeks]  While I'm on this tangent, here's a related story:

I decided that since I am the size that I am, I should buy a pair of jeans that fit.  Even if they're too big in a few months, I need to leave the house in something for the next few months. So I strapped Santiago into his carseat, and we took a little trip to Amberg, 30 minutes away.  It's basically the closest "shopping area".  I found street parking, and headed to H&M.  They have relatively affordable jeans, so I thought this would just be a matter of finding the right style, right size, paying, and leaving. 

Except it turns out 95% of the store is for skinny people.  

After scanning the entire jeans section and only finding one or two pairs in my size, I found another part of the store with my size.  The bigger sizes.  There were about 10 pair of jeans [total] in the "plus size" section.  (Not sure if that's what it was called, since the sign was in German.  I found another sign that grouped the number sizing into S, M, and L...  my size falls into the "L" category, which is why I can't believe it was in the plus size area.)  

To end this sad tale-- of the 10 pair of jeans, none fit, so I left.  Empty handed.  

I came home and ordered $100+ worth of jeans online in the hopes that something fits.  And then I'll return the rest.  (I love free returns!)  Hopefully there is a happy ending.  In the short term, that would mean a good pair of "plus size" jeans that fit.  In the long term, that would mean wearing my normal clothes again!